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Top 100 Chuck Norris Jokes - Facts

Here are the top 100 Chuck Norris Jokes (Facts).

Before going up on stage, Chuck Norris breaks someone's leg to wish himself good luck.
Rated 4.21/5 (38 Votes)
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
Rated 4.2/5 (6719 Votes)
Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
Rated 4.19/5 (4078 Votes)
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Rated 4.19/5 (4675 Votes)
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
Rated 4.18/5 (3399 Votes)



Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Rated 4.18/5 (5106 Votes)
It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.
Rated 4.18/5 (3478 Votes)
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
Rated 4.18/5 (3688 Votes)
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Rated 4.18/5 (5212 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Rated 4.18/5 (3112 Votes)
When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
Rated 4.18/5 (6311 Votes)
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack... even a heart isnt foolish enough to attack Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.17/5 (2513 Votes)
Everyt ime Chuck Norris steps outside, the doomesday clock ticks forward.
Rated 4.17/5 (36 Votes)
When Chuck Norris goes jogging every morning he's actually maintaining earth rotation.
Rated 4.17/5 (60 Votes)
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Rated 4.17/5 (4440 Votes)
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Rated 4.17/5 (3648 Votes)
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Rated 4.17/5 (4376 Votes)
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Rated 4.17/5 (3859 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
Rated 4.17/5 (3531 Votes)
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Rated 4.17/5 (5527 Votes)
Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.
Rated 4.17/5 (4243 Votes)
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Rated 4.17/5 (4012 Votes)
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.17/5 (2945 Votes)
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.
Rated 4.17/5 (4272 Votes)
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Rated 4.17/5 (3444 Votes)



Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.17/5 (4157 Votes)
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Rated 4.16/5 (3054 Votes)
Chuck Norris is like Johnny Cash. Aint no grave can hold his body down. Good thing Chuck Norris doesn't die.
Rated 4.16/5 (19 Votes)
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Rated 4.16/5 (2876 Votes)
Chuck can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Rated 4.16/5 (3655 Votes)
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Rated 4.16/5 (3591 Votes)
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Rated 4.16/5 (4477 Votes)
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
Rated 4.16/5 (3309 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
Rated 4.16/5 (3972 Votes)
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Rated 4.16/5 (3679 Votes)
Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.
Rated 4.16/5 (2441 Votes)
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
Rated 4.16/5 (3820 Votes)
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.
Rated 4.16/5 (3245 Votes)
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Rated 4.16/5 (3857 Votes)
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
Rated 4.16/5 (3060 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Rated 4.16/5 (2980 Votes)
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Rated 4.16/5 (3827 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Rated 4.15/5 (2432 Votes)
Deja vu has Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.15/5 (20 Votes)
Chuck Norris can write infinity in number form.
Rated 4.15/5 (20 Votes)
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
Rated 4.15/5 (2861 Votes)
Chuck Norris beat Halo 1, 2, and 3 on Legendary with a broken Guitar Hero controller.
Rated 4.15/5 (3190 Votes)
Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity, he got it back.
Rated 4.15/5 (3513 Votes)
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Rated 4.15/5 (3365 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Rated 4.15/5 (4313 Votes)
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Rated 4.15/5 (3788 Votes)
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Rated 4.15/5 (2611 Votes)
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Rated 4.15/5 (5000 Votes)
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Rated 4.15/5 (3246 Votes)
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Rated 4.15/5 (3570 Votes)
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Rated 4.15/5 (3025 Votes)
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Rated 4.15/5 (3459 Votes)
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Rated 4.15/5 (3708 Votes)
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Rated 4.15/5 (1845 Votes)
Chuck actually died four years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Rated 4.15/5 (3189 Votes)
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Rated 4.15/5 (2274 Votes)
Chuck Norris took a piss in a creek. That creek is now known as the fountain of youth.
Rated 4.14/5 (7 Votes)
Chuck Norris once decided to try to kick his own ass...just to prove once and for all that it couldn't be done.
Rated 4.14/5 (49 Votes)
There are two types of people in this world: Chuck Norris and the rest.
Rated 4.14/5 (29 Votes)
Chuck Norris has the Dos Equis guy serve him Budweiser in a dress.
Rated 4.14/5 (29 Votes)
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
Rated 4.14/5 (4857 Votes)
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Rated 4.14/5 (3013 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Rated 4.14/5 (2890 Votes)
Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
Rated 4.14/5 (2995 Votes)
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Rated 4.13/5 (1812 Votes)
Chuck Norris can beat a black hole in tug of war.
Rated 4.13/5 (88 Votes)
Chuck Norris knows when Santa Claus is awake.
Rated 4.13/5 (109 Votes)
In Japan, Godzilla is spelled Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.13/5 (45 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Rated 4.13/5 (2774 Votes)
If he wanted to, Chuck Norris could rob a bank. By phone.
Rated 4.13/5 (2594 Votes)
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
Rated 4.13/5 (2730 Votes)
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Rated 4.13/5 (3007 Votes)
Chuck Norris CAN find the end of a circle.
Rated 4.13/5 (2882 Votes)
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Rated 4.13/5 (3100 Votes)
The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Rated 4.13/5 (2344 Votes)
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Rated 4.13/5 (3954 Votes)
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.13/5 (2814 Votes)
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
Rated 4.13/5 (3403 Votes)
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
Rated 4.13/5 (4261 Votes)
Hercules strangled two snakes in his crib when he was a baby. Chuck Norris strangled a grizzly bear moments after birth with his own umbilical cord.
Rated 4.12/5 (593 Votes)
Chuck Norris can draw a perfect circle. With a ruler.
Rated 4.12/5 (304 Votes)
Chuck Norris can make a slinky go upstairs.
Rated 4.12/5 (2181 Votes)
Chuck Norris used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
Rated 4.12/5 (2140 Votes)
Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
Rated 4.12/5 (1990 Votes)
On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.
Rated 4.12/5 (2865 Votes)
Chuck can divide by zero.
Rated 4.12/5 (1190 Votes)
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Rated 4.12/5 (2839 Votes)
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Rated 4.11/5 (2984 Votes)
Few people are aware that the entire lead-in of the Iron Butterfly hit "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" was actually recorded solely by Chuck Norris playing a piccolo.
Rated 4.11/5 (9 Votes)
Chuck Norris narrates Morgan Freeman's life.
Rated 4.11/5 (222 Votes)
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
Rated 4.11/5 (1769 Votes)
Chuck Norris once robbed himself and doubled his profit.
Rated 4.11/5 (221 Votes)
If you cut off Chuck Norris' arm it will grow back...and the arm you cut off will grow another Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.11/5 (167 Votes)
The Kool-aid man once broke through Chuck Norris's wall and said "Ohhh No.".
Rated 4.11/5 (448 Votes)
Chuck Norris cheated on his English test............with a calculator.
Rated 4.11/5 (731 Votes)